The third Wednesday of every October is recognized as International Pronouns Day. It is a day spent recognizing and working towards the goal of a world where "respecting, sharing, and educating about personal pronouns [is] commonplace."
I didn't know about this initiative until about a month ago when Drexel asked me how we should acknowledge the day. At first, I honestly had no idea. I don't think pronouns require celebration. They're just a part of speech. The main issue I see is that pronouns have become a scapegoat for transphobia. Most, if not all people use and respect peoples pronouns everyday. Most people know how to correct themselves when they misgender others and have done it before and had no issues correcting themselves. Most people have used gender neutral pronouns before and had no issues with it. Pronoun usage is already normal. The issue is that trans and nonbinary people are asking for this respect. The stigma isn't around pronouns, it's around trans and nonbinary people.
When thinking about what to do with Drexel, I really wanted to focus the conversations around how pronouns are already normal and how this stigma created to intentionally delegitimize transgender and nonbinary identities hurts cisgender people too. This opens the door to having conversations about how all forms of transphobia hurt cisgender people. By taking intentional transphobia, transphobia designed to hurt transgender and nonbinary people based on their identity, and showing the ways it hurts cisgender people, then we can properly address and work against bigotry. That's a much longer term goal though. This month, we're rolling out some initiatives I've been working on for over a year. These include:
I'm really proud of getting this all done. The college has grown a lot in the past few years. I'm still struggling to wrap my head around the amount I've contributed.
To recap and expand on the material I've created for the college:
As defined by the Merriam-Webster Dictionary
a word (such as I, he, she, you, it, we, or they) that is used instead of a noun or noun phrase
So in the case of people, a person is a noun, and pronouns are used to refer to them in a sentence. In addition to pronouns, we refer to people also by proper nouns which are defined as:
a word or group of words (such as "Noah Webster," "Kentucky," or "U.S. Congress") that is the name of a particular person, place, or thing and that usually begins with a capital letter
We typically refer to someone's "proper noun" as their name. Names are common place in our language but aren't doubted the same way pronouns are. Let's look at a sentence that refers to someone in many different ways.
No Proper Nouns or Pronouns: That is a person. I like the shirt that person is wearing. I wonder where I can get a shirt like that person's.
Only Proper Nouns: That is Charlie. I like the shirt Charlie is wearing. I wonder where I can get a shirt like Charlie's.
Only Pronouns: That is him. I like the shirt he's wearing. I wonder where I can get a shirt like his.
Proper Nouns and Pronouns: That is Charlie. I like the shirt he's wearing. I wonder where I can get a shirt like his.
So as we can see, pronouns and names provide the same function in grammar and we use both without thinking.
We just covered that grammatically, names and pronouns do the same thing. However, despite this, people tend to assume other people's pronouns even though they don't assume other people's names.
Let's try assuming pronouns based on people's names for a moment and see what happens. In theory, we should be successful. If names and pronouns do the same thing grammatically, then there should be a correlation.
What pronouns do you think someone named Elliot uses?
Elliot's pronouns cannot be guessed based on Elliot's name alone. Perhaps I am talking about cisgender male actor Elliott Gould who uses he/him pronouns. Perhaps I'm talking about transgender male actor Elliot Page who uses he/they pronouns. Or maybe, I'm talking about the cisgender female character from the show Scrubs, Dr. Elliot Reid who uses she/her pronouns. It appears that all these people with the same name use different pronouns. Let's try another example.
What pronouns do you think someone named Alice uses?
Based off the popular children's story and Disney movie, one would assume some one named Alice uses she/her pronouns. However, a quick Google search will tell you the "most famous Alice" is Alice Cooper, a cisgender man who uses he/him pronouns. An interesting thing to note here is that Cooper changed his legal name to Alice. It's not the name on his birth certificate. However, everyone still calls him Alice and uses he/him pronouns without question.
Another thing to note here is that names are cultural. For example, the name Kimiko is a traditionally feminine Japanese name. However, from an Italian background, one would assume this name is traditionally masculine, given it's "o" ending. Someone from one culture may assume someone uses she/her pronouns based on their "obviously gendered" name. However, someone from a different culture may assume someone uses he/him pronouns for the same exact reason.
We now see that we cannot guess someone's pronouns based off their name. Different cultures have different interpretations of names. People with the same name use different pronouns. People with the same pronouns use different names.
To extend on this, you cannot guess someone's name based on how they look. You also cannot guess someones pronouns based on how they look.
For example, someone may say, "I obviously use she/her pronouns because I have long hair and wear makeup." Alice Cooper also has long hair, wears makeup, and has a traditionally feminine name, and he uses he/him pronouns. On the flip side, should everyone who uses she/her pronouns be expected to be wearing makeup at all times and have long hair in order to have their identities respected? Natalie Portman is a cisgender female actress who uses she/her pronouns. She shaved her head for her role in V for Vendetta. By this logic, should I only refer to Natalie Portman with she/her pronouns when I know she's wearing makeup?
The more you think about pronouns, names, and how we respect cisgender people's identities no matter how they present, we realize it's more weird to assume someone's pronouns than to ask for them.
In the English language, it's common to associate he/him pronouns with traditional masculinity and she/her pronouns with traditional femininity. While we've already established that these traditional definitions of gender are not accurate, many people still do not like the connotations that she/her and he/him carry no matter their accuracy.
We then see the gender neutral they/them. The biggest complaint here is that "they/them refers to many people not just one". However, the singular "they" traces back to 1375[1]. That same article then states:
In 1660, George Fox, the founder of Quakerism, wrote a whole book labeling anyone who used singular you an idiot or a fool.
So why do we see complaints about the singular they and not the singular you? It's transphobia. When complaining about using the singular they, people love to complain about how "unnatural" it is and how they have to think so hard about using the singular they because they never do it. What does a sentence without the singular they look like though?
With Singular They: I had my car parked outside my house and someone hit it with their car. I wish they were here so I could give them a piece of my mind, but they ran off before I could talk to them.
Without Singular They: I had my car parked outside my house and someone hit it with his or her car. I wish he or she were here so I could give him or her a piece of my mind, but he or she ran off before I could talk to him or her.
When talking about a stranger you've never met before, which of these sentences are you more likely to say? Say them both out loud now. Which is more natural to read? Which is more clear and concise?
When people complain about the singular they, the issue is not the unwavering laws of grammar. The issue is when transgender and nonbinary make an active choice to use these pronouns.
Neopronouns are pronouns people use when he, she, and they just don't fit. These are pronouns people choose for themselves based on whatever criteria they want. A common neopronoun are xe/xem/xir. These can be pronounced like "zee", "zem", "zeer" or however the person using these pronouns wants. These can be used in a sentence like:
"This is my friend. Xe are super cool. I met xem in class when xe shared xir notes with me."
A common argument is "you can't just make up pronouns! That's unnatural!" My response, what defines a "natural" pronoun? One that we farmed from the earth? Of course you can make up pronouns, how do you think we made up language? Do you think "he" and "she" popped out of the ground like daisies? If it did, then why doesn't every language have "he" and "she"? In Italian, there is a distinction between "he" and "she" as "lui" and "lei" respectively. However, there is no distinction between "his" and "her". These are replaced by "suo, sua suoi, sue" which can reference both "lui" and "lei" In Italian, the concept of "his" and "her" connecting to "he" and "she" is "unnatural."
Language was made by people and everyday we create new "made up" words. If you ever find yourself complaining about someone's pronouns being a part of "natural" language, take a moment to reflect on the language you use.
The other day, my friend scraped xir knee, so I Googled how to help xem and I saw that a Band-Aid would suffice.
The largest grammatical errors in this sentence are not the pronouns. It's that "Google" and "Band-Aid" aren't "natural words", they're brands. The "natural" grammatically correct sentence would be:
The other day, my friend scraped xir knee, so I used the search engine developed by Google to figure out how to help xem and saw that a sticky bandage would suffice.
People tend not to complain about grammar and "natural language" when we use made up brand names as words and verbs. However, when transgender and nonbinary ask that people respect them enough to refer to them in certain ways, there is no shortage of complaints. Why do nameless faceless brands get more respect than other human beings?
We've now shown that we can't assume someone's pronouns. Not only do names and pronouns, two parts of speech with the same exact function, have no correlation, but now, we're adding new pronouns that people invent themselves. How do we know what pronouns to use to reference someone?
The same way you learn someone's name. Ask them. Do you go around assuming people's names? When you learn someone's name, do you doubt the legitimacy of their name? Do you refuse to call them by their name after you meet them due to your own misconceptions about how names work?
"Hi there, John"
"Excuse me? My name is Dave."
"You look like someone I knew named John. I assume that all people who look like him are also named John."
"Well my name is not John, it's Dave."
"Yeah, but I already associate you with the way I believe all Johns should look and I know someone else named Dave, and you don't look like them, so I can't possibly call you Dave. I'm going to continue to call you John."
This conversation sounds crazy. If we don't do this with names, why would we do it to pronouns, which do the exact same thing that names do?
What if you never learned someone's pronouns but still want to reference them? How should you refer to them then? Just use "they" the same way I have done so many times in this document.
What if you forgot someone's pronouns? What do you do then? Same thing as when you forget someone's name!
"Yesterday I was emailing the person from HR, I always forget their name"
"Do you mean Taylor from HR?"
"Yes! Thank you!"
The same applies to pronouns.
"Yesterday I was emailing Taylor from HR, I always forget Taylor's pronouns"
"Taylor uses she/they"
"Yes! Thank you!"
Given this information, some questions to ponder.
[1]: https://public.oed.com/blog/a-brief-history-of-singular-they/