Oh look at me, being poetic with a blog post title. Typically I like to make my blogpost titles puns or jokes. This one's a reference to the line from Shakespeare's Romeo and Juliet, "A rose by any other name would smell as sweet". The quote is spoken by Juliet. In her monologue, she's talking about how she loves Romeo, even though he is a Montague and she is a Capulet, two houses with a long standing rivalry. The significance of the quote is that she loves Romeo, no matter his name. His character is more important than the name he carries.
One one hand, I acknowledge Romeo and Juliet is a comedy, should not be taken seriously, and I appreciate it for being a satire. On the other hand, the quote does have some significance to me. Rose is the middle name I was born with. On my biological mother's side, Rose is the middle name given to the first born girl in each family. My Granny's name was Rose, my middle name is Rose, and I have multiple cousins with the middle name Rose. Even though my birth certificate claims I am female, I am not a female, and have no attachment to my gender assigned at birth, I've always felt a strange connection to roses. It started with the song Every Rose Has It's Thorn by Poison, which my biological father would play a lot and reference my middle name while playing. Other than that, I remember a lot of rose imagery in my childhood. I remember for some class, I needed fabric, so I got a fabric with roses on it. I had a phase of "I don't like roses because they're always being referenced around me", but I quickly got over it.
In the past few years, I've been using Rose as a pseudo last name as a replacement for the biological last name I was born with. While that surname was a symbol of my Italian heritage, which I hold dearly to me, it was also my biological father's late name, which was a symbol of unattainable expectations and abuse. I decided a long while ago that when I legally changed my name to Charlie, I would also change my last name to Rose.
Last July, as mentioned in a previous blogpost, I was disowned for being trans. It was in this moment that I realized I couldn't hold myself back for the sake of my biological parents anymore, and I had to do what I needed for myself. I started HRT, started planning surgery, and in May of 2021, I submitted my petition to Philadelphia Courts to legally change my name. Yesterday, after three months of waiting, and 800 dollars of fees, on July 29th, 2021, I received the signed court order that my name was legally changed. Today, on July 30th, 2021, I went to the DMV and got a new state ID under my new name, Charles Stuart.
To start, the process of updating my legal name in every place I've ever existed is stressful and exhausting to say the least. I need to plan in advance to make sure my health insurance is updated in a way that my doctors are aware so that I still have access to my monthly prescriptions. I need to make sure I have enough cash on hand so that I can update my debit card and EBT card properly, since I'll lose access to them until my new ones with my new name comes in the mail. It's very stressful making sure I update all these separate offices properly while also making sure I don't lose access to things I use on a daily basis.
But I wrote this post, both to talk about the struggles of changing your legal name, but also to talk about the importance of a name and why I changed mine. First, a name is both very important, but also not at all important. It's a label for other people to use to refer to you. What that label is specifically doesn't actually matter, since now matter what name people refer to you by, you are still the same person with the same morals and character. From that same "a name is a label that others use to refer to you" perspective, labels need to be descriptive. Labels need to accurately fit what they are describing. Since a name is a type of label, it needs to reflect and describe me in some capacity.
So how did I choose a name to reflect and describe me? I chose the name Charlie for myself while watching the TV show Lost (spoilers ahead). The character Charlie Pace was a musician and a heroin addict. He then used religion on the island to recover from his addiction. He died while sacrificing himself for his friends safety and survival. I liked him as a character, but never felt a connection to his story. I remember in the final season of Lost, they're remembering they people who did not survive, and Charlie was on screen for the first time in a while. I remember thinking "Oh I missed Charlie" and in the same moment, looking at a picture of myself and my younger brothers on my desk. In that moment, I felt a connection to the name Charlie and my younger self. I knew it was my name. I've been Charlie ever since. From there, I also had to choose a middle and last name. I always knew I wanted to ditch my last name, I just never knew what I wanted to change it to. One of my considerations was Rose. After getting over my "I hate the name Rose" phase, I realized it would be a solid choice for a last name. I also considered my mothers maiden name, but she also disowned me this past year, so that wasn't an option anymore. I wanted a last name that had some form of meaning to me and the person I had become. One professor I've had at Drexel really helped me realize who I am and what I want to be. Professor Brian Stuart has been my mentor the past four years. With his support, I realized how much I love computer science, how much I love teaching and has helped me be the confident person I am today. Without his mentorship and guidance, I would not be the strong, confident, and driven person I am now. In May, I asked him if he would be comfortable if I took his last name, and he told me to think carefully. I realized, one day, I want to get a PhD and teach university. I want to spread my passion for CS onto the next generation. If I could do that under the title Dr. Stuart, it would mean more than the world to me. After explaining that to him, he said he was honored I want to on his title and legacy.
Today for the first time, I am legally Charles Rose Stuart. It is a name I carry with pride. It represents my journey in finding myself and my values. I celebrated with my roommate and my dog and a cheesesteak. Today is the first day of a new chapter in my life.