For the majority of my life, I spent July 4th with my biological mother's side of the family on my great aunt's farm. There would be a barbeque and fireworks and we'd celebrate my great aunt and mother's birthdays. Last year, despite the pandemic, this was still the plan since my great aunts farm had enough room for socially distanced outdoor tables. At this point, a portion of my mother's family had figured out I am trans and was supportive. My mother had know I was trans for years beforehand, but it wasn't something talked about. When I told her on July 3rd. 2020, that I would be out as trans the next day for the holiday, she forbade me from seeing the family if I was going to be out. While July 4th, 2020, isn't the day I went no contact with my biological mother, I still consider it the day I was disowned. Today marks one year.
Getting disowned isn't exactly a one step process. If you talk to either of my biological parents, they would probably say they didn't even disown me. They would probably claim that they love and accept me. It took me a long time to realize they only love and accept the person I was before I transitioned, and would never accept me as a transgender man. When my mother forbade me from seeing the family, she even apologized later for the incident. She told me she'd do whatever she could to make it up to me and that she was trying her hardest to understand. I told her what I needed from her in order to forgive her and see she was trying. This included me sending her about ten articles and books for parents about transgender people. A month later I asked her if she read any and what she learned and she had refused to read any of the articles I researched and said I was selfish for expecting things from her. I asked if she had practiced calling me Charlie or using he/him pronouns and she said she doesn't owe me anything. She then would apologize and say she was trying and would do whatever it takes to fix things, but then never follow through. After months of this game of pushing and pulling, it started to wear me down. She would send me emails calling me disgusting, spoiled, and selfish. If I waited until my therapy appointments to talk about and write responses to her emails, she would yell at me for not responding fast enough. If I responded quickly, she would yell that she didn't like my response. If I didn't respond at all, she'd complain that I didn't care about her to respond. Every contact with her was a losing battle.
I started focusing on myself more and my health and transition. Being belittled by your mother of 20 years for months is an emotional experience. My depression was really bad. I decided I couldn't wait any longer and started my medical transition. On January 29th 2021, I did my first injection of Testosterone. It was the most exciting moment of my life. I posted on Facebook "I got an F in puberty, so I have to retake it". A silly joke equating being marked Female on my birth certificate to failing a class. My friends sent messages of support. I had a friend ask me about the journey in getting it because they also wanted to start T. My biological mother sent me a text calling me selfish, disgusting, and attention seeking. She then formally cut me off financially. Up until that day, the only thing she was financially supporting me for was my phone plan. She shut off my phone's data and said at the end of the billing cycle, in one week, it would be shut off. My friend was able to help me and his mother put me on her phone plan and I got a new phone number.
Since then, my relationship with my mother has been nonexistent. Other family members have reached out. My mother has lied about the circumstances of our relationship. Telling people that she never cut off my phone. She does not allow people to speak of me.
In addition to going no contact with my biological mother, I have officially gone no contact with my biological father. He had been abusive for longer than my mother, but I needed his financial support to pay for my education. In the past year, I was given full control of the bank account that contains the rest of my tuition savings and those savings will remain untouched in order to protect my education. In addition to this, my biological father removed me from his health insurance, so I spent over a month uninsured, acquired hundreds of dollars of medical bills before getting on Medicaid. Since I've had no contact with both of my biological parents, I also had to apply to be considered an independent student in order to receive federal loans and grants for my education.
This past year has been exhausting. I've done more legal paperwork than I can remember. I've seen so many doctors to properly transition. I've spent some many holidays and birthdays alone. It feels like I've been doing this my whole life, but also it just started yesterday. I've done this all during a pandemic and lock down too.
Finally, after a full year, I can finally start to see the end of this transition period. In one month, I will have completed surgery. I will have a changed legal name. I will have moved into a new house. I will be starting my senior year of school and applying to graduate schools. Philadelphia is reopening after a long lock down. Drexel will have in person classes in the fall. It's been an incredibly long and stressful year. Today is a harsh reminder of that, but I've made it.