I recently graduated from Drexel with my bachelor's (woo-hoo) and I'm in a very fun "life-transition" moment. I've been slowly updating my site with relevant information. I was gonna have the first blog post since graduating be a big exciting "Look I did it and here's what I've got planned moving forward" post. As of three hours ago, I've changed my mind.
One of the reason this site update is taking so long is because I'm embarking on an incredible adventure only spoken of in legends and fairy tales as "taking a break". Part of this mythical "break" includes a quick trip to North Carolina with my twin. We spent Saturday driving about 8 hours down. I have a dog, so the drive takes a little longer than it should so we can stop to walk her.
Now we've stopped at some rest stop on the side of the highway. While he walked my dog, I decided to do something truly evil. I decided to use a public restroom :O.
As one would expect, I mind my own business as I use the restroom and wash and dry my hands. I didn't stop to interact with any highway rest stop restroom strangers. I just found an empty stall to use the restroom, then found an empty sink to wash my hands afterwards, then found an empty hand dryer to dry my washed hands. In my opinion, I feel like these are completely normal things to do in a public restroom on the side of a highway.
However, there were some men who must've disagreed. I must have done something incredibly wrong because these men sure did stare at me. They gave me many looks up and down. They followed me to the hand dryer. Then they followed me out of the restroom as I committed another atrocious crime, purchasing something from the vending machine :O! There they stood about 20 feet away from the vending area watching me and whispering as I bought my energy drink. I had to walk past them to leave to get to the car. They did not take their eyes off me and as I passed them, I heard them say something like "Okay, now we can...". We bolted out of there.
I'm used to being stared at in the bathroom. I've got a more androgynous look to me than most men. For example, unlike most men, I own shirts that have colors on them (and no, they aren't graphic tees). I also wear jeans that fit me instead of cargo shorts. I do dye my hair, which most men don't do, but also, most women don't dye their hair either. I'm used to the stares, but the following and whispering is absurd.
I truly don't understand the thought process. "Hmmmm, there seems to be a stranger I've never met before in this public bathroom on the side of the high way. Hmmmm, this is strange, they appear to be using the restroom and minding their own business. I've never seen anyone do that before. This is getting suspicious, I don't like their hair or clothes. Ah!!! I've got it! It's a secret transgender spy that doesn't belong here waiting to strike!!! It is my duty as a true American patriot to follow them in to protect the sanctity of this highway rest stop restroom that hasn't been cleaned since 1987 from this dangerous transgender predator!!!! Ah!! I was right!!! This horrendous criminal that I have never met or spoken to that I'm assuming is transgender is now purchasing an item from a vending machine!!! It's a good thing I was here to protect the weak and vulnerable women and children from being in the vicinity of this filthy transgender gremlin who just committed such a heinous act! Another job well done, and another highway rest stop protected from then dangers of the LGBTQ+ community!"
Like, I'm doing my best to joke about the situation to make light of it all, but it was truly horrifying. I was trying my best to look and act normal. I ignored them and avoided them. I kept looking over my shoulder to make sure they weren't following me to the car. We got in the car and sped out. Needless to say, I'm going to be a lot more cautious about using public restrooms while I'm down here. It's probably best to be more cautious anytime I'm out in public at all.
In theory, the law is on my side. In 2016, North Carolina passed HB2, the Public Facilities Privacy & Security Act. It stated that it was required to use the public bathrooms that match the sex listed on your birth certificate. Raise your hand if you carry your birth certificate around with you in case you need to use a public restroom!!! Really? No one? Shocking. Thankfully, the bill was repealed in 2020. Let's say someone did try to stop me and accuse me of "using the wrong restroom", it wouldn't matter. My legal PA state ID states my sex is male, proving I'm in the "right bathroom".
The truth is, the issue isn't legal. The people who followed me out of the bathroom didn't think I was dangerous because they saw my legal identification. They didn't think I was dangerous because I committed a dangerous act against another person in the bathroom. This transphobic bathroom hysteria caused them to think I must be some dangerous pervert because I didn't look "man enough" to be in the bathroom. They decided I didn't look "man enough" to wash and dry my hands next to them, to the point where they felt the need to follow me and watch me. And somehow, I'm the danger in the restroom, not them.
At the end of the day, that's all these bathroom bills boil down to. You can use the "legally correct bathroom". You can use the bathroom exactly as intended. You don't have to harass or hurt someone to be considered a threat. The only thing that matters is if someone else decides you're "man enough" to use the same facilities as them.
So every time you use the bathroom, ask yourself: Am I man enough? Am I wearing the right clothes to convince other people I deserve to use the restroom? Do I fit what every random stranger expects a man to be? Even though I know I'm in the right bathroom, am I doing enough to make people believe me?